6th-12th Grade Skit, Christian Education Sunday, June 12, 2012
“PAUL: IN TROUBLE …… AGAIN?”
Written by the 6th-12th Grade Sunday School Class
NARRATOR
Saul of Tarsus had just arrived in Damascus. It had been a long journey – he’d gone through two pairs of sandals – and he needed a snack. So he stopped off at Damascus Donuts and ordered his favorite – a double chocolate chip bagelwich with a mocca vente. He sat down to check his facebook page.
PAUL
Huh. I’ve been on facebook for so long and I still don’t have any friends. What’s with that? Oh well, time to persecute the Christians.
There is a bright flash and Paul covers his eyes and falls to the ground. He stands up and looks back at the computer.
PAUL
Hey, I got mail! email hidden; JavaScript is required, who’s that?
JESUS
Saul, I am Jesus, who you are persecuting.
PAUL
Oh.
JESUS
Get up and enter the city, and you will be told what to do.
PAUL
(shrugging)
Oooookay.
NARRATOR
Saul left the coffee shop and went to Damasacus. And on his way, he met a beggar.
BEGGAR
Are you gonna finish that?
PAUL
Huh? Nah, you can have it.
BEGGAR
Really?
PAUL
Yeah, sure. After all, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” Huh, that’s not too bad.
NARRATOR
Saul went on to Damascus, where people started calling him Paul.
FIRST PERSON
Hi Paul!
PAUL
Are you talking to me?
SECOND PERSON
Hi Paul!
PAUL
No, I’m Saul, you must –
THIRD PERSON
Hi Paul!
PAUL
Has everyone gone crazy? Is this some kind of Christian joke?
Paul’s phone beeps.
PAUL
I have a text. (reading) “Go to the street called Straight.” Straight Street?
NARRATOR
Saul went to the Street Called Straight, where he met Ananias.
ANANIAS
Hi Paul.
PAUL
No, I’m Saul!
ANANIAS
Have you had any epiphanies lately, Paul?
PAUL
Dude, it’s Saul. Paul, with an S.
Ananias gets out his phone and starts texting.
PAUL
Who, uh . . . what are you doing?
ANANIAS
I’m going on Facebook to tell my friend Jesus what a headache you’re being.
PAUL
You have Jesus for a facebook friend? He totally e-mailed me.
ANANIAS
Like, yeah. What, you don’t?
PAUL
Uh, no, I don’t. Do you have a lot of facebook friends?
ANANIAS
Most everyone in Damascus. All good, friendly, computer-literate Christians.
NARRATOR
Historical record is vague at this point, but it is believed that the epiphany of Paul happened here.
PAUL
Ananias! Bro! You gotta get me more facebook friends.
ANANIAS
Okay, let me just pull up your profile – ugh, here’s your problem. Interests: macrame, persecuting Christians. Paul, this is weak. We’re gonna have to start all over. And lose the pictures of you clapping the believers in irons.
PAUL
Okay.
ANANIAS
Let’s just get the computer out and make you a new page altogether. Name?
PAUL
Saul, I mean, Paul.
NARRATOR
Ananias and Paul worked on Paul’s facebook page late into the night. Then, Ananias sent Paul and Barnabas on a Missionary Journey. But not before Paul made Barnabas facebook him.
BARNABAS
Do I have to?
PAUL
Totally.
They walk off together.
NARRATOR
Paul and Barnabas went to Cyprus, where they met the false prophet Bar Jesus.
PAUL
Yuck!
BARNABAS
You wanna blind that guy?
PAUL
Yes, yes I do.
NARRATOR
They went on to Antioch, where Paul spoke to the people, and gained followers.
PAUL
What if some did not believe? Shall their unbelief make the faith of God without effect? God forbid: yea, let God be true, but every man a liar.
NARRATOR
But Paul and Barnabas were chased out by unbelievers. They went to Iconium, where Paul preached again.
PAUL
The church of our Lord Jesus is like a finely built chariot. Have you ever heard a porsche
engine? It roars and purrs at the same time! But, you have to take it out of the garage, ye people!
NARRATOR
Once again, Paul was chased out by unbelievers.
PAUL
Why do you stick with me through all of this, Barnabas?
BARNABAS
It’s in the Bible.
PAUL
Oh, right.
NARRATOR
Eventually, they came to Lystra, where they saw a lame man sitting.
PAUL
(yells) STAND UP!
NARRATOR
The lame man stood when Paul spoke. He and Barnabas were embraced and Barnabas was called “Zeus.”
BARNABAS
Sweet!
PAUL
Oh, come on!
NARRATOR
And the people saw them as Gods.
PAUL
What? No, OMG. We’re not Gods, we’re just two ordinary guys. From Damascus. Anyway, Lystra seems nice, let’s stay here a while.
NARRATOR
But again, the unbelievers caught up with them-
PAUL
Of course.
NARRATOR
And Paul was stoned.
PAUL
Oh, that’s bad.
He collapses to the ground. Barnabas drags him for a bit and then he springs back up.
NARRATOR
But as soon as they left the town, he rose again.
PAUL
Much better.
NARRATOR
On the road to Philippi, Paul and his friend were followed by a fortune-teller, who said:
FORTUNE TELLER
These men are slaves of the most high God who proclaim to you a way of salvation!
PAUL
You think that will get annoying anytime soon, Barnabas?
SILAS
Dude, I’m Silas, you got rid of Barnabas two towns ago, remember?
PAUL
Oh, right.
FORTUNE TELLER
These men are slaves of the most high God who proclaim to you a way of salvation!
SILAS
I’m not annoyed yet, are you Paul?
PAUL
No, I just — I ORDER YOU IN THE NAME OF JESUS CHRIST TO COME OUT OF HER.
(shrugs) Sorry.
NARRATOR
But when the fortune teller’s owners found out that Paul had cast the spirit from her, they went to the authorities and had Paul and Silas thrown in jail.
SILAS
Thanks, Paul. Now what do we do?
PAUL
Pray and sing hymns, that usually helps.
GOD
Paul, are you in trouble . . . Again?
PAUL
Yes, God, but please, it’s been a long week. Could you help, do you think?
GOD
How? Should I post about it on facebook? I have a lot of friends.
PAUL
I know, but we may need something a little bigger.
GOD
Like an earthquake?
PAUL
That’s so last Testament, are you sure? Woah!
NARRATOR
And the ground shook beneath them and the foundations of the prison were broken. And not only were Paul and Silas freed, but they preached to the people in the prison.
PAUL
Believe on the lord Jesus and you will be saved, you and your household.
NARRATOR
And so it went, from Thessalonica to Athens, from Corinth to Ephesus. They sailed, they walked; Paul preached and taught. One day Silas said to him,
SILAS
So, Paul, do you think God’s gonna let you retire, now?
PAUL
What do you mean?
SILAS
Well, you’ve done a ton of walking, you know, you probably burned a lot of carbs, you’ve converted a bunch of people, you got stoned, and imprisoned, and . . . I don’t know, don’t you think you’ve done enough for awhile?
PAUL
Yeah, you know, you’re right, Silas. Maybe I’ll just take it easy for awhile. I’ve actually been
thinking I could maybe write a book – this stuff’s pretty interesting, don’t you think? Maybe tie in some wisdom for the ages, that sort of thing? Think I could find a publisher?
SILAS
With your contacts? Totally.
PAUL
Thanks, Man. You know, I’m putting in a call to God right now. I think he owes me one, don’t you?
SILAS
Totally. Give it a shot.
Paul makes a phone call.
SILAS
What is it?
PAUL
Drat. Can’t get a signal.
SILAS
Maybe that IS a signal?
NARRATOR
And the rest is history.
THE END.